sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
