Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
