So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
