And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
