I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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