the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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