carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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