there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
