I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
