we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
