I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
my liver is dry heaving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
