9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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