Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
