Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He better not be in your backpack
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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