Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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