I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
