Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize