I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
