Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
