He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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