I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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