Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize