It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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