So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
