Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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