while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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