i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
