I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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