Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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