i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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