if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
