this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
