3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
