Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
