he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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