wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My ass is underappreciated
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize