Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
