worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
