Your mouth is God's brothel.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
