I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
