Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i've created a new STD.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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