a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
