we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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