she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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