you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize