either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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