Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
