I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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