OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
