The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
