...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
