So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize