my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
