Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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