he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
