Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His nipple licking is glorious
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