Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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