The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
