Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
