I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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