Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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