hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize