Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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