so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
