why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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